Mistaken Identity

It was announced a couple days ago that someone is leaving the company. I can’t imagine why anyone would ever want to do that. But anyway, we’ll call him Jack.

Jack just so happens to have the same last name as another guy who works in the company. We’ll call him Ray.

Carlton sent an email to HR this morning asking when Ray’s last day was so we could cut off his access to everything.

HR is as incompetent as IT and didn’t catch the mistake. They happily told Carlton that tomorrow is his official last day, but he left for good yesterday.

Cool, easy enough. Carlton asks the rest of IT to begin terminating Ray’s access.

Minor problem – Ray still works here. Jack is the one who left.

I’m gonna keep that one to myself though and see how this plays out. Sorry, Ray, just take the afternoon off.

Password Reset

We received a ticket because someone’s computer password had expired and they needed to get it reset.

Carlton’s response? To email the guy to clarify if it’s his computer password or another password that needs to be reset.

If it’s his computer password, he won’t be able to log in to see the email…? But apparently I’m the only one who saw the flaw in that strategy.

Meanwhile, the poor guy waiting for the password reset is staring at his login screen for hours before eventually just calling Carlton and getting it reset.

I give up.

sometimes-i-feel-like-everyone-i-work-with-is-an-idiot

Where’s the form?

Carlton just sent me an email. It was a screenshot of the travel department’s page on our intranet, with one line: “Which of these [buttons] is the travel request form?”

Answer: the one that says Forms and FAQs, with a description saying “all travel forms”. But that would just be too easy.

Just a reminder – Carlton is my boss. Plz help.

Someone sat on my computer

I came into work today to this email:

I hate to ask you this….

It seems like someone sat on my PC that I’m borrowing. I noticed this morning that the display was cracked.

Who should I contact to get this repaired?

“Someone” sat on it. Not sure who. Asking for a friend.

Everyone else, of course, pretended this is a normal thing and is working a replacement PC for the guy.

Maybe if I sit on mine and crack it, I can get out of work for a while. Weighing my options.

WTF

I’ve had some odd things happen to me in the office over the years. Some people feel the need to share very personal details of their life, like that one of their eyebrows is actually a tattoo. Others feel the need to hug me when they see me. I even had a guy get in my car while I was waiting for someone and try to make a move once. 

It’s fine. We’ve made a bunch of jokes and laugh about it all the time. 

Until today. Today I find out that someone in my team has been using my name in passwords for some of our IT systems. Systems that I would never touch or see. 

Who did it or how long has it been like that? No one knows.

Brb hiding under my desk from everyone. 

Printer Update

Before we get to the update on the printer, let me introduce you to our new characters from yesterday.

Carlton is my boss and has been here basically since the place opened. The secret that’s not a secret is that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and tries to use big words to cover it up. Most recent example- I was copied on an email yesterday where he said everyone had access to their perspective folders. Perspective and respective are the same thing, right? His desk is also where every project goes to die. You’ll never see it again, and no one else seems concerned. 

Ryan started recently with Nancy, but actually seems to know what he’s doing. That means he won’t last. He’s caught on that Carlton doesn’t know what he’s doing and wants to fix it. I give him 2 months.

But back to the printer. Carlton couldn’t tell Ryan anything about anything, so Ryan created a new account, got it working, and moved on. The old account will now sit out there for eternity where no one can touch it. Along with everything else that’s been abandoned, so that’s good. Good start to the morning.

Meet Nancy

I was going to give an introduction to each member of the team, but, on second thought, I think it’s best you meet them as they come up. 

So instead I’ll introduce you to only one, who is bound to come up the most often. We’ll call her Nancy.

Nancy started a couple weeks ago. On her first day, she asked where ctrl+alt+del was to login to her computer. She also asked how to Google something. My grandma could’ve answered both of those questions. 

Nancy works in IT. Nancy makes more money than I do. Plz help.